A Dream of a Woman by Casey Plett

Author:Casey Plett
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Arsenal Pulp Press
Published: 2021-01-15T00:00:00+00:00

The next night after work, Vera deleted Iris’s number, blocked her on Facebook, and changed her email address. It felt thrilling, limitless, like a midnight sea.

Then she messaged Zoe in a long furious string. Hi I know it’s super fucking late but any chance tomorrow you have an hour or two to hear me open all my guts up about a thing? No pressure. Uh, I mean hi how you doing. Fuck me. Uh, you’re probably asleep which is why you’re offline. Love you. Talk soon. She sent Leah a similar message, though Leah always responded sporadically.

Vera paced around her room and grabbed her cigarettes and began to chain-smoke out the window. Her Gchat blooped. Zoe. Oh of course. I just got up. You’re probably going to sleep, aren’t you.

I should. I’m not in crisis I’m not even like sad or fucked up. I just think I really need to talk about it.

<3 I’ve been there. Are you free later today? I have to work but I want to listen to you and it sounds like maybe it’s better if we do this when we’re both rested and aren’t pressed for time. Text me when you get up k?

Ok 3 Thank you

They met in the late afternoon, Zoe waving in a translucent yellow blouse over a camisole. They walked around Prospect Park twice, and Vera told her all about Iris.

“It’s complicated,” said Vera. “She’s hurt me. A long time ago, I hurt her, too. Not that it’s the same—I don’t know. I owe her a lot. She helped me get on hormones. I wouldn’t have come here without her. I couldn’t have. You know?”

Zoe nodded. By then they’d sat at a picnic table with coffees. Zoe hadn’t talked much, but she’d been listening deeply. “I do.”

“I don’t want to see her anymore. I don’t want her in my life anymore. I don’t know why, I don’t know why yesterday made me feel so weird.” (Though Vera knew exactly why: It was how she felt when Iris reached for her hand. It felt so silly. Iris’d clearly meant it as a gesture of friendly affection, yet Vera instantly felt as gross as when in bed Iris had—well, whatever.) “I just know I need it to be over. Is that fucked up? Is there something wrong with that?”

“No,” Zoe said after a pause. “There’s nothing wrong with that. I don’t think you ever have to keep someone in your life you don’t want to. I think the question is whether you owe her that conversation. It sounds like you’ve decided that you don’t. That one’s on you. But if you don’t want her around, that’s okay full stop, honey.”

Vera sobbed a little bit. She wiped her eyes. “Sorry. I’ve always been a crier.”

Zoe offered her hand, and Vera took it and squeezed.

“You’re nice,” said Vera, blinking tears in the sunlight. “You’re nice to me. You’re one of the nicest fucking people I’ve met in this city.”

“The world isn’t very nice to us,” said Zoe quietly.

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